Clarence and the dispenser.

Clarence was up to his eyes in it. Muck. The foulest dirtiest most evil bacteria ridden muck that his sick pooch could produce. From both ends!

Little Hector lay snoring gently in his dog basket as Clarence cleaned. The smell was truly disgusting but tissue stuffed up his nose helped.

After mopping and finishing off with kitchen towel he was ready to clean his hands, make a lovely cup of tea and watch The History Channel.

He levered the tap open with his elbow, touching anything with his hands in their present state was unthinkable. Noticed the little red light wasn’t on just as he placed his hands beneath the Dettol No Touch Hand Wash System. Fuck! a tiny little drop hung from the dispenser. Not enough for even a fingernail. What now? Fucking fuckity battery driven bloody machine! No battery power no reassuring bzzzz. No. Fucking. Soap!!

Then he remembered something. Stepping back he managed to hook the handle of the under-sink cupboard with his heel. It swung open, revealing the old manual pump dispenser lying on its side near the back. He tumbled it out, grabbed it with dirty hands, and pumped cleansing liquid soap. Tesco Value but who cares! Wash wash wash. Heaven.

After thoroughly cleaning his hands he cleaned the dispenser top, removed the thin coating of dust, and confidently placed it where the techno-marvel had previously been, secure in the knowledge that humans had been cleaning their hands with basic soap technology for over two thousand years. His battery driven non-sensibility was over.

Tea made, The History Channel on, a documentary about Pompeii. Clarence guffawed, the soap factory in Pompeii was being shown. Hell, just the batteries inside that ‘technical marvel’ in the bin would have cost more than pump dispenser he would use from now on!


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